Toddler Says ‘No,’ Mom Tired of the Battle
by Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Read more ASK MOM on Fredericksburg Parent & Family
MARY SAYS: Toddlers want so badly to be the boss of their own lives, even if they’re ill-equipped to do so. But gaining a ‘sense’ of being in charge is so important at this age, and you’ve given your daughter a gift by letting her exercise her own power to choose.
Sometimes, though, the answer has to be ‘no,’ doesn’t it?
This one is actually pretty easy. While you want to encourage your daughter to make some of the choices in her life, if the best thing right now is for her to do what you’re telling her to do, don’t negotiate. Rather than relying on her to decide for herself whether or not to turn the TV off, get ready for bed, or stop pulling the dog’s tail, physically take command of the situation. You turn the TV off. Pick her up and carry her to her room to get her PJ’s on. Extricate the dog’s tail from her grasp.
And as you do this, give a directive without seeking a response from her.
For example, as you turn of the TV, say something like: “TV is done for today. You may watch again tomorrow.” Or, when you scoop her off the couch to get her ready for bed, say: “Time for night night. PJ’s on now.”
What you DON’T want to do is try to distract her so she doesn’t get upset. While it’s tempting to keep the peace by turning everything into a game, what your daughter needs to know is that you are in charge. Be firm. Believe it or not, despite her effort to gain control by saying ‘no’ to everything, she’ll feel a lot safer knowing that a grownup is there to make most of her decisions for her.
Erika is out this week but will return for our next ASK MOM post.
ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today’s child-rearing issues—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you’re looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn’t around to ask, drop in!
If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we’d love to hear from you! askmomyourquestion@gmail.com
Read more ASK MOM advice.
